Where the Hell Have You Been?

There is no simple answer. Hibernating. There’s a word.

April is never an easy month for me. So many reasons. It’s a rainy month, and the gray of New England’s Great Wet is an every-day thing. The ground wakes up, but at the same time, it grabs hold, layering itself in your boots and painting your pant cuffs. It is the fog and closeness of clouds forcing your thoughts to turn inward.

April is a month of loss, and this year, it hit me hard. It started with giving up my place with the Scout troop. Boy Scouts has occupied a large part of my life this past twenty years, and now I have stepped away from it, knowing I won’t return. I will continue to volunteer in small ways, but I have come to the realization that it’s time for me to find other pursuits.

I find that when that happens; when I reach these forks in the road of my life, I pause to remember and consider. April is the month of my parents’ death. It is the month of my birthday, and this year, as all these anniversaries and changes happened, my feet rooted. I sat down on my metaphorical rock and have been taking time out to consider who I have become and what my next phase should be.

For the first time, I am considering my age and impending retirement. Of course, I’ve laid plans, but for the first time, these plans are on the horizon and not some distant possibility. I am confronting the reality of my body’s slow recovery from exercise and injury. I am coming to terms with my inner programming that insists I need a prince to ride up and rescue me.

So… when will I be done with all of this business? Soon. I am back to re-reading my outline, bringing Full Circle to it’s conclusion. I will get through this weekend, the weekend when my baby graduates college, and I will start moving my feet again, taking the road I have chosen to see what comes next.

What I do know is writing it on that path.

Thanks for bearing with me.