Where the Hell Have You Been?

There is no simple answer. Hibernating. There’s a word.

April is never an easy month for me. So many reasons. It’s a rainy month, and the gray of New England’s Great Wet is an every-day thing. The ground wakes up, but at the same time, it grabs hold, layering itself in your boots and painting your pant cuffs. It is the fog and closeness of clouds forcing your thoughts to turn inward.

April is a month of loss, and this year, it hit me hard. It started with giving up my place with the Scout troop. Boy Scouts has occupied a large part of my life this past twenty years, and now I have stepped away from it, knowing I won’t return. I will continue to volunteer in small ways, but I have come to the realization that it’s time for me to find other pursuits.

I find that when that happens; when I reach these forks in the road of my life, I pause to remember and consider. April is the month of my parents’ death. It is the month of my birthday, and this year, as all these anniversaries and changes happened, my feet rooted. I sat down on my metaphorical rock and have been taking time out to consider who I have become and what my next phase should be.

For the first time, I am considering my age and impending retirement. Of course, I’ve laid plans, but for the first time, these plans are on the horizon and not some distant possibility. I am confronting the reality of my body’s slow recovery from exercise and injury. I am coming to terms with my inner programming that insists I need a prince to ride up and rescue me.

So… when will I be done with all of this business? Soon. I am back to re-reading my outline, bringing Full Circle to it’s conclusion. I will get through this weekend, the weekend when my baby graduates college, and I will start moving my feet again, taking the road I have chosen to see what comes next.

What I do know is writing it on that path.

Thanks for bearing with me.

10 thoughts on “Where the Hell Have You Been?

  1. Thanks so much for sharing. I have been concerned and worried that you might have been ill. You are pondering some huge real life issues, something all of us do at some point in our lives. Congratulations on the upcoming college graduation, a huge milepost to be sure. I retired 2 years ago and it took some adjusting, but I am finally good with it. Take care

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So glad to get your note. I was getting worried about you. Thanks for checking into the website and giving us a heads up that you are ok.


    1. Happy to hear everything is ok, and you’re just taking time to choose your next path. Thanks for letting us know and we look forward to hearing from you next time you can share.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This is my favorite Robert Frost quote. I hope you feel comfortable in the decisions you make for yourself. April is an awful month weather wise here in Michigan and I am glad the sun is starting to make a regular appearance.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You are having a lot of adjustments in your life. Having the winter extend itself into late May isn’t helping anyone! We are having snow showers every day this week, I had to get all my gloves out of the closet again!
    Thank you for letting us know you’re still on the right side of the dirt! enjoy your kiddo’s graduation, you get to take some of that credit too.


  5. I’m so glad you’re well and just took a time-out for self care. More people need to do that.

    I retired six years ago as a lucky happenstance. My mother was undergoing chemo and I was driving back and forth between Austin and Shreveport. (Yes, I’m originally from Shreveport).

    Thankfully I was eligible for early retirement and it worked out well that I was home to address her health issues. She’s doing well and is pass the five year anniversary turning 82 in August.

    The thing about retirement, I didn’t realize how truly tired I was until I stopped working. There was a fatigue that set in for about six months before I felt revitalized. While working, every winter I would get two colds that lingered for weeks. I’ve barely been sick except for occasional allergies. I didn’t realize how stressful working was until I stopped.

    Now I feel better and ready to take on life’s new challenges and options. I haven’t been this excited since my twenties. Embrace the rainbow!

    Liked by 2 people

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